the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
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