Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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