i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize