Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
