i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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