My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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