I have demons in me.
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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