the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
