My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
