Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
