areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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