If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
