I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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