if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Randomize
