You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Randomize
