i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
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