guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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