i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
