He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
