Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
COCAINE IS GR8
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
