I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
