It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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