i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
I'm always down for nudity.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
