I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
