Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
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