and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Randomize
