Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
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