He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
