I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
did i just pee glitter
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Randomize
