Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
