just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
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