I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
