My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Randomize
