the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
