Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
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