Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
Randomize
