Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Randomize
