:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Randomize
