***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
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