I accidentally had phone sex last night
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Randomize
