My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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