what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
