Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
I need moral support for this bender
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Randomize
