he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
We just shotgunned beers for America
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
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