I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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