I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
