I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
