i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Randomize
