I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
