I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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