I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
