I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
