I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
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