Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
Randomize
