so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Randomize
