Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
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