Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Randomize
