You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
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