Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
