just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize