we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
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