that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Randomize
