i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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