So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Randomize
