ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
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