yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
