she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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