Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
