My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
