his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
