I'll bet she douches with gravy.
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
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