is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
Even my vagina gasped.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
