remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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