I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
