Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
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