i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
