I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
