Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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