Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
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