Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
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