We're like a lot better than the average bears
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Randomize
