gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Randomize
