She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
