Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
