there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize