Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
