Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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