If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
