don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
I am never drinking with the goths again.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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