i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize
