also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
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