Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
