i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
