So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
