Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Randomize
