so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
