i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
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